A Time to Cry

We lost you almost as quickly as we had found you. Your conception was a surprise, losing you was a shock. We had already thought about what to name you and what it would be like to have a child with a January birthday (your due date was your oldest cousin’s birthday). We wondered what your personality would be like. Would you be thoughtful and silly like Noah, mischievous and graceful like Hannah, or would you have a completely unexpected and unique personality? Who was going to be outnumbered: the boys or the girls? We knew for sure that the adults would be outnumbered – 2 adults and 3 children. I have a particular affection for 3rd children. I always have, I always will …

Your sister would ask every day when the baby would come out. She must have thought that you would hurry if she kept asking. Your brother was excited too, even though he really didn’t understand what to expect. He’s already a great big brother. That would have simply continued.

I just led my first baby dedication service this Mother’s Day. It hit me that, next Mother’s Day, I would want a different pastor to lead the service so that I didn’t have to dedicate my child by myself. Now I can lead it.

You were a victim of the last enemy. The enemy that will one day lose its sting, but it hasn’t yet. The enemy that will be swallowed up forever, but that’s for the new earth. I’ll no longer be able to hear the word “miscarriage” without a twinge of pain in my gut. A reminder of the child that I had hoped would come, but never will.

I can believe with David, “I shall go to him (or her), but he (or she) will not return to me” (2 Samuel 14:23b). One day I’ll see my child. On the day when Jesus wipes every tear from every eye. The Jesus you now see face to face. The Jesus I was going to introduce you to. It looks like you may do that for me one day instead …

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4 Comments

Filed under Parenting

4 responses to “A Time to Cry

  1. Vanessa K.

    A father’s love, beautifully expressed. So sorry for your pain, friend.

  2. Jean Dillard

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been there and it’s a difficult road to travel. You guys are in my prayers.

  3. melinda lunsford

    Beautiful letter Dan, I am so proud to have you for my Son-n-Law, so thankful for your taking special care of my precious daughter during this hard time,and for giving her an extra special memorial day weekend with you. Time well spent, Im sure. I Love You both very much.

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